No Joking Now.

Keith Olbermann was once the funny anchorman of ESPN's Sports Center.

Presidential Comedians

You can always trust the Americans to come up with something funny, even for an important event.

I'm a non-American Democrat advocate, so here's Obama taking a jab at McCain. You can follow the other related videos to McCain's equally good comedic stab at Obama.

Apple Of My Eye

I didn't quite believe it, but I spent nearly three and a half hours waiting in line for my Apple 3G iPhone. Yup, I caved in to greed and first-class American-styled marketing.

So, there I was, standing behind 20 other adults, clearly tired from the working day. My eyes wandered, desperately trying to find something to focus to make the waiting less painful. As you can probably imagine, some shop that specialises only in Apple products, conveniently located right next to Singtel, where throngs of zombie-like consumers stare at more Apple products.

"I... must... have... that..."

Anyway, the 20-inch Mac monitor demo'ed the latest Sims2 game pack called Castaways. Normally, if you're cast on any deserted island with no broadband access, you are as good as dead. But somehow the characters in the game look very happy. They also miraclously picked up hunting, house-building and other survival skills that soldiers take months to learn. Hmm... "Where got in dire situation still so happy?" Not realistic at all, crappy game (unlike COD4, ha!).

Hmm... standing in line for 20 freaking-minutes and haven't moved an inch (pretty dire if you ask me), and I'm happy because there's only 20 more jokers in front of me. Hmm... maybe the pain is not that bad if the end-game is worth it.

So, back to my main topic. Not the Apple iPhone. My son, Elliot, the apple of my eye. My wife and I are first-time parents. And I'll be honest, we are not very good at it. There is no amount of preparation that will set you up to be a good parent. But luckily, Elliot's been pretty forgiving so far.

He cries for no apparent reason every now and then. Well, actually, there's always a reason, it's just that we don't know it yet. Babies work in mysterious ways, as do God. So, every cry is answered with some apprehension, a dash of suspicion and a whole lot of confusion.

Just two weeks ago, we thought he is a colicky baby. Then we were pretty sure he has a condition call reflux. Last week, we were convinced he had hernia. Of course, every "ailment" meant a trip to the paediatrician, which in term meant "ka-ching" for the old man dressed in the white robe. On all occasions, our suspicions were wrong. Our baby was a normal, healthy, little bundle of joy. The old man's "he's fine" cost us $65 each time. Of course, we grumble and curse at ourselves for being such ka-jiong parents, but under our breaths we know it's money well-spent.

Elliot is getting stronger every day. He surprised me the other day by lifting his head while lying my chest. I thought it was a one-off event, but he went on to push and position himself to the obviously more "cushy" region of the tummy. Are one-month old babies supposed to do that?

Speaking of one-month old, we shaved the little man bald. We did it for a few reasons. One, the symbolic act is supposed to represent something; two, his hair was too long; and three, he was shedding his baby hair. We spent $7.50 at the Indian barber outside our estate. 10 minutes and an electric clipper later, he was botak. But he's definitely has our hair genes though. It grew within two weeks, and the texture was quite coarse. Not like sandpaper coarse, but definitely not Clairol silky soft.

First month has been tough, and I mean for everyone in the family. Bowel explosions, urine fountains, leaky teats, tempers flaring, sore necks, sleep deprivation, piling office work, zero social life, aching shoulders, the list goes on.

The pain is not that bad because the end-game is worth it. We can't wait for the second month.

My One-Week Old Son

Call Of Duty 5

For those who know me, I've been rather engrossed in a PC game called "Call Of Duty 4 - Modern Warfare" in recent months. So much so that my wife sometimes think I'm addicted to it. She is 75% correct. Last Saturday, I upgraded to "Call Of Duty 5 - Baby's Arrival".

My wife finally gave birth to our baby boy. Both of us were caught off-guard because he decided to spring a surprise two days ahead of schedule. It has been a sleep-deprivation marathon since then. I'm averaging about four or five hours sleep a day, and my wife, maybe, just two-thirds of that. Poor darling.

The little bundle came into my arms rather peacefully at first. Then, when the nurse started to unwrap him for the weighing, he exploded into this Civil Defence Emergency Siren that couldn't be switched off. I was torn between being smug about my boy's strong lungs and feeling "Oh no, what did I get myself into?"

As for my wife, she has officially become the little man's personal milk machine. I admired her fortitude and insistence on breast-feeding our boy. "Breast is best" they say. Judging from the amount of pain, effort and energy needed for breast-feeding, I'd say only a mother would sacrifice that much.

It's been a roller coaster ride since the baby came. On one hand, we're absolutely overjoyed by his arrival. Afterall, we've been waiting for this moment for eight months and some weeks. On the other hand, we are constantly fed with "guidance and tips" from every person we know and under the watchful eyes of every relative, distant or close. The latter is driving both of us a little nuts at times. But of course we keep reminding ourselves, "it is with good intentions...".

If you are wondering what's the baby's name, well, we are not quite sure yet. We thought it was going to be Elliot, at least I did. But so far only close friends, and moderns ones at that, approve of the name. My in-laws have been giving quite a bit of negative feedback. My mom, aunt and cousins have been pronouncing it the hokkien-aunty way. All of which makes me quite sad actually. Maybe I'm just destined to name my own dog.

But I'm going to close both eyes and just laugh it off for now. There is no room for two moody people in our family now. My wife's hormones are kinda whacked out and I need to be cheerful and give her my support through the initial months. Tomorrow, the baby will be heading for his first check-up, and then we're going to our fengshui master to get an auspicious chinese name for him.

If you're still reading at this point, let me tell that, despite sounding somewhat sad above, I am still loving practically every minute of fatherhood. Everytime the boy opens his eyes, everytime I burp him after his feed, every hiccup, every yawn, every smile he flashes, every wink he gives, every punch, every kick, it's all heavenly. And that baby fragrance he wears, like that leather smell in a new car, simply drives me crazy.

"Who's your Daddy now?!"