After Midnight Project

Every now and then, a catchy rock song latches onto me and the tune stays with me for a while. "Take Me Home" by After Midnight Project is one of those. Enjoy.

The End Is Only The Beginning

We finally laid Granny to rest yesterday at Kwong Meng Sua.

They say it should be a happy occasion when someone leaves at a ripe old age. They could be right. But farewells are always tearful, especially when it's someone you're fond of and the separation is permanent. I cried alot when the monk covered the coffin and we had to send her on her last "journey".

Kenny and I spent three nights watching over her, keeping the incense burning, folding paper gold ingots and making sure everything was alright. We were very tired by the third night, but thinking about how she took care of us when we were young took much of that tiredness away.

As it always happens, families get a little closer when someone dies. I got up to speed with what has been happening in Kenny's life. My mom caught up with her sisters in Malaysia. I met and spoke with cousins whom I didn't know existed.

Anyway, it was a good funeral.

Mothers' Day

A mother's love knows no boundaries. Love, care, devotion, faith, are just some of the many words we use to celebrate a Mother's sacrifice. And when mothers graduate to grandmothers, those qualities do not fade with age.

My grandmother passed away today, at about 4.20pm. On Mothers' Day.

My mom and I went to the hospital almost 12 hours earlier, after she got a call fom my aunt, saying that my granny's condition didn't look good. We rushed to the hospital right away. Just as we stepped out of the house, the wind picked up, the clouds rolled in, and it began to pour.

When we arrived, Aunt Sue and her family were around the bed. Granny was groaning and gasping. It was clear the morphine was no longer working. Aunt Sue has been staying at the hospital for the last few days, keeping her vigil at the bedside. Her brave front had gave and tears were streaming down. At 5am in the morning, I think it's not easy not to be affected. My mom started sobbing softly too.

Somehow, I wasn't crying. I don't always show it, but I love you.

The doctor said that the gasping and semi-conscious state are some of the effects of morphine. It didn't seem like there was much we could do. We could only take turns to comfort her by holding her or whispering personal messages into her ears. Granny did open her eyes every now and then, and struggled a little as if to tell us she's not ready to give up just yet. At one point, I told Aunt Sue that granny might be looking for her familiar face. Aunt Sue had been self-less in giving care to granny during her last days.

It could be the morphine, it could be her body shutting down. Granny finally went went to sleep at about 10am, still gasping through her oxygen mask. The nurses took the opportunity to sponge her, change the bedsheet and her clothings because they were soaked due to her perspiration from the fever. We also took the opportunity to take some quick bites with coffee. Aunt Sue went home with her husband for a quick shower and forty winks. I stayed on with my mom.

Somehow, I wasn't crying. I don't always show it, but I love you.

About 1.30pm, my mom asked me to head home too, as it could be a long night. I came home, washed up and knocked out on the bed after a while. Next thing I knew, my phone rang at 4.41pm and my mom said my granny has passed away about 20 minutes ago. I called my wife next to tell her about it. Then I just laid on the bed for some time.

My mom said granny went quite peacefully. I guess the prayers helped. And as they say, now the healing begins. I am sad she left us so prematurely, that is for sure. But to be debilitated by Leukemia so quickly and to be in such pain, I am glad that she needn't have to suffer anymore.

Po-po, you practically raised me. I don't always agree with what you say or do. Sometimes, you drive me crazy with your cleaniness. We laughed at the same things at times, other times we were laughing at one another. But no matter what, I may not always show it the conventional way, I love you.

Ngoy Heng Jong
1923 - 11 May 2008